I’ve lived a sad, unworthy life:
A life that leaves me weak, bemused,
A life I should have long refused.
My days are filled with pain and strife,
And I, who happiness should choose,
Know not how not to be abused.
Old curses in my ears still ring,
Accusing me I’m not enough,
And don’t deserve to have nice stuff.
Old degradations to me cling;
Old torments into blessings shove,
And close my heart to God’s great love.
As if Christ could not die for me,
I punish me for all my sin.
I need Christ’s love and grace within:
God’s rescue here I need to see.
Have mercy on this sheep You love,
And help me to embrace Your love.
Please heal this wounded, broken sheep:
Please root Your love in my heart deep.
November 1, 2016
It is one of those weary days when I don’t know how to enforce good boundaries with myself and others while at the same time loving and respecting difficult people. I feel like a failure. Anyone who has read Anne of Green Gables will identify with the phrase “Jonah Day”.
Whereas I had hoped to post this poem together with a companion hopeful poem written in the same style, that encouraging poem has not yet come in, although it did write its first three lines the same day I wrote this other poem. I am not always sad. But today I am. Feel free to pray for me.